I'm fine

I'm fine

Tuesday 5 May 2009

how


could you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i was only 5, i was scared, i was shy,

you where my nightmare, my shame, i need to cry


i had learned so much from him by now,

but i still was scared, i still knew not to shout,


one was bad, two was worse, three was torture,

was that all i was worth



Wine n moan


wine n moan,

wine n whinge

wine n cut


i just want someone to listen to me just now,

but im so scared to talk

ive drank wine to numb, for four days running

but its still there, still not talking


the flashback is killing me,

its terrorising me

its making me scared,

the shit in my head

has me running scared


ive cut ive harmed ive carved my leg

to see if that will work instead,

but i still need to talk

i still need to speak

i still need to get it out


i need to be cuddled

i need to be heard

is that allowed


i thought i had got it, mastered it, made the grade

i thought the world was conquered, my bed not made

but its here, its there, its all around

so maybe its true, it wont go, till its been made into sound,


my leg hurts where the knife has been

my head hurts from what its seen,

my eyes sting from the awake in the night,

my lifes over if i cant fight


im scared, im sad, im angry, im tired

im just having enough of this trying,

i want to talk but i cant ask,

i want the help but im dying


i cant see this flashback anymore

its time to show this bastard the door,

but its there, its constant, its scaring me so

that i just cant take anymore, i just dont know


About Me

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Im a women who is slowly learning to survive, who is taking a journey into the past in order to gain a future. I have ptsd, bpd and suicidal ideation. I often wander if i would have any of that if it wasn't for the mess, the past.