i really wish i could shake it off

Im numb, i feel so so scared
Ive felt surreal, felt scared, felt like i wanted it over for real
its such an awfull, weird feeling,
how can you tell people who have invested so much that it was for nothing
that you want to die,
that you cant cope,
that you hate yourself
that you hate what you done
that you hate what they done
that you have had enough

Of numb, of fear, of hell of here,
hate the feeling deep down,
hate the life you are left with

ive tried to talk to people, ive tried to grab help,
yet they dont care, they dont care that life is over soon
they think i get help i need no more,
they avoid me, they ignore me, they just dont care,
why the fuck should i, i am worth nothing,
maybe people will know how hard it is
when its too late
they dont care that my every day is a nightmare,
if i sleep it is good, when im awake it is a nightmare,
what do i need to do,scream, shout or spell it out

ive been numb since wednesday, too many days
but i still try to be me in a daze,
ive told all i need to without the detail
but will that help or will that be lethal,
its time to move past this and into anger
the one person i trust will know how to help
will not be annoyed, will not shout, will let me be angry
will help me get it out,
if i cant be angry, i cant live no more,
as i cant be his little whore,
i cant be his princess, his bike, his thing to ride in the night,
i cant be his baby girl, his big girl, his play toy,
i cant be his anything anymore

does that make me bad, does that make me evil
i dont care anymore as i cant be HIS
i hate feeling this feeling that i feel
i hate believing the things he tells me
i hate being alive
i hate that i hate being alive,
i want to die, but i want to live
ohhh im so confused its hard
i hate that my life is all this,
when i have so much more
i hate that people dont get it,
how much i actually fight to be better
i didnt choose this,
i didnt help make it better, but i didnt choose it at the beginning,