it shouldnt be this way

Things are getting harder and harder all they steps i took
All that journey i took
The hard work, to get better
To feel better and cope better
And now i feel like im back at square one,
I cant do it without the meds,
I cant do it when its not numbed at least a wee bit numbed would be nice,
I listen to the laughter and the playing
I want to reach out and join in,
I want to be a real mummy,
But i cant, i cant bear the pain,
And im not to blame, I know its not like then,
But i cant help thinking bad things happen when im happy,

Im hanging on by the skin of my teeth just now
It really shouldnt be as bad as this,
I should feel better than this,
But its all tumbling down around me
One moment i feel strong and ready to fight
The next i feel like im in the corner, scared and with fright,
I can not win, I never can
I dont know why i fight so hard sometimes,

More tests to come,
the worse one of all
then i spose it should only get easy,
Or easier, or even less destroctive would do,
As right now its the self destruct i could do
I cant take the noise anymore,
I just want it to stop, silence anything but this,

relationships are just so confusing

Boy meets girl
You were my dream,my world
But i was blind
You cheated on me from behind
So on my own
I feel so all alone
Though I know it's true
I'm still in love with you

I need a miracle
I wanna be your girl
Give me a chance to see
That you are made for me
I need a miracle
Please let me be your girl
One day you'll see it can happen to me
I need a miracle
I wanna be your girl
Give me a chance to see
That you are made for me
I need a miracle
Please let me be your girl
One day you'll see it can happen to me
It can happen to me

Day and night
I'm always by your side
Cause I know for sure
My love is real my feelings pure
So take a try
No need to ask me why
Cause I know it's true
I'm still in love with you

I need a miracle...
I wanna be your girl
Give me a chance to see
That you are made for me
I need a miracle
Please let me be your girl
One day you'll see it can happen to me
I need a miracle
I wanna be your girl
Give me a chance to see
That you are made for me
I need a miracle
Please let me be your girl
One day you'll see it can happen to me
It can happen to me

this song just makes me cry just now,
can it happen to me,
do you love me,
can you be by my side

I still hear your voice, when you sleep next to me.
I still feel your touch in my dreams.
Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why
Without you it's hard to survive.

'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.
And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly.
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
Need you by my side.
'Cause everytime we touch, I feel this static.
And everytime we kiss, I reach for the sky.
Can't you hear my heart beat so...
I can't let you go.
Want you in my life.

Your arms are my castle, your heart is my sky.
They wipe away tears that I cry.
The good and the bad times, we've been through them all.
You make me rise when I fall.

'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.
And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly.
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
Need you by my side.
'Cause everytime we touch, I feel this static.
And everytime we kiss, I reach for the sky.
Can't you hear my heart beat so...
I can't let you go.
Want you in my life.

though thats one is worse,
as i just dont know anymore,
how can love hurt, how can it be so confussing
how can you love me then hate me
i dont know anymore wot i need and wot i want

can you cry til your tears are dry???

I dont think i can take much more,
im thinking of leaving and seeing how it goes without me
to see how it will go if im definetly not here,
Im thinking if i can see them all coping i can know they will
i cant stop crying
im letting everyone down round about me
i feel like im failing the world even though im trying so hard not too,
i feel like im letting everyone down by being a burden and being around
i watched the world tumble down, not everyones world
but it was mine, i watched it over and over again
and i dont think i can watch it again
what do i have left now to prove to me it was real,
To prove to others too,
I have nothing, just my word
And i know that people wouldnt care for that
So thats the last, ive got no chance of proving it right

I wanted to go there, for one last look,
to win the battle that ive always took
To see how tall i am in the spaces there,
To feel less scared walking up the stairs
To smell the smells that time would have changed
To put new thoughts of it into my brain
But like everything else I failed to do
I couldnt go there, i ran out of time
And now its no more, i cant ever win the control
In my head, in my dreams, in my waking moment
The place will win everytime
As like everything else i lost the control

I want to go on but change so much
But its better to hurt one than many
So its better that i feel pain than any one else
No matter what i think its not worth the fight
As im bringing them down and making them sick
Sick of fighting and sick of me,
Sick of having a strop, a psycho, an idiot, just me
It was meant to get better but its not at all,
So i cant think what else i can do so wrong,
I feel the world stare and judge
And they wont do that if im no more,
They might just help them all some more,

God give me strength and show me the path
That i need to take for everyone else
It cant be about me
Not to start
its gotta be about the people that matter
Its the sadest thing ive ever realised
thats im screwing up my nearest and dearest,
But when mum makes you scared when she shouts and balls
And angers dad so much he explodes,
then whats the point of her being around
When mums are meant to help not hinder
A mum will do anything in the world
To make sure there child has the best
So maybe its time for this mum to rest,