sometimes i hide

Sometimes i run,
Sometimes i hide,
Sometimes i cry
Sometimes i hide
Sometimes im scared
Sometimes im petrified
Sometimes im sad,
Sometimes im hurt
Sometimes i feel ok,
I want to feel ok more,
I want to never feel fear, hate, anger, disgust and hurt
the way i do today,
I cant face up to it just now,
I feel too too vulnerable,
Too scared, too sad, too angry, too dirty
I hate feeling dirty, I hate feeling ugly,
I hate feeling used, i hate feeling like a slag, slapper, etc...
I just want to run, run run run run
never look back, have some fun,
i just want to scream, scream, scream,
From my mouth, very loud,
I just want to yell, tell, shout and scream,
SO the whole world can see what i feel,

I want him to leave me alone, let me breath
Let me go out on my own,
Let me be "normal" let me be free,
I just want to be a mum to my three,

its all your fault

I conjure up the thought of being gone
But I'd probably even do that wrong
I try to think about which way
Would I be able to and would I be afraid
Cause oh I'm bleeding out inside
Oh I don't even mind

I would never pull the trigger
But I've cried wolf a thousand times
I wish you couldFeel as bad as I do
I have lost my mind

Im finished crying wolf though now
Im finished thinking like that
From now on no one knows
I just do it,
I just get it over with,
I just finish it
Once and for all

I cant do the whole "smile" anymore,
I feel like people are going out there way to test me
To see if i will or wont,
Well no more testing,
No more thinking thoughts,
From now on its acting on thoughts,
If i want to harm, i can and i will
If i want to kill myself i will and i can,
What does it matter to anyone else,
WHat does it matter to me,
It doesnt anymore,
Ive tried so so hard, to smile, to pretend to get on
But in my dreams, at night, through the day,
You tell me the way to get rid,
Maybe i should listen,

I really dont want to die,
But i dont want to fight to live anymore,
I just want to cry without fear,
And do what i hear