fuck

whats happening, this is all a mess,
i cant stay where i am,
i cant stop going where i dont want to,
i just want to sleep ffs
music thumping, feet all over the place and biting my lip, gum etc all still happening
my feet are so so sore with rubbing them together,
i think this is it,
i wonder
who fkn knows
but this is not good, somewhat mental, feel like everything is going 100mph,
i feel the adrenilin move under my skin
music is all i need
i dont really care
is this really as good as it gets,
lets see what tomoro brings, its at least worth that,
its wednesday its allowed i think,
why do i feel five, i dont wanna feel so young anymore, i want my big people eyes, please,

thankyou

just went into somewhere i had no need to be, somewhere i had no thought of, somewhere i was sure id looked a hundred times and found my blankie, my blanket, my invisible cloak, ive looked for it for nearly a year and im really finding it weird as to where it was and why it was there but never mindi have it the one time i need it more than ever ever before,
so whatever, however and whyever i went there thanks, i feel safe again and best of all i found it at 4 o clock today, how weird is that, only me knows why, but it feels so safe tonight now, hope it lasts til morning, please god

ooooffffffffffffffffffftttttttttttttt

How did i get here,
How ever did i get back here,
Im sat at 12.40am with music thumping into my ears
i need to listen to the music to stop the thoughts racing,
music will give me something to concentrate on,
My stomach feels like im on a rollercoaster and i dont like it one little bit

Please please just go away and leave me alone,
i cant take much more of the noise, the frantic, scarey, horrid noise,
I cant cope much more with the things you say
please just go away
i thought it was getting better but you are defo here to stay

the music isnt working, the typing isnt working, my feet are all over the place

the wallls are coming in on me, i need to get out of here,
i dont know where to go, i dont know which path im meant to take

i wish you would just tell me, if you tell me ill listen
i promise ill listen, i always listen, you know i listen,

Im sorry for everything, im sorry for telling, ill never tell or talk anymore,
i promise i wont but please just leave me alone, i am scared and sore and feel sick and tired i need to sleep but i cant sleep what if you come back in, i want to know when to breath in, when to disapear, i dont want to have to disapear after you are here so i need to stay awake to see you, hear you, know you are coming to get me, im so so so sorry if i make you mad or sad, i dont want to or mean to ,

please just let me sleep andleave me alone, i need to be left alone for one night, for everynight,
i need to turn the music up, as the thoughts are still racing, the thinking is still there,im tired, the music will get me through if nothing else, maybe if i open my eyes it will get easier then again maybe it wont, if i keep them closed i can switch some of it off but then im not grounding myself,my poor band has lost its ping,