fuck me how long does it take!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Had a great night or is that a "great " night," im freaaked out this week has meaning that i need to find out what it is,phoned nhs24 to speak to cpn, im triaged someone will phone iwithin 3 hours rhen mentaL HEakth an hour later, this whole fkn shotty system is crap, i couldbe dead (or asllep) by then,  an y eyes are shut the,ucpondingso phone on vibratehour in and im starting to feel so so so so worse, byut tonight was make o r break, i made, but this is ridicoulous, to be clingingon to a phone pleasding it to ring rather go hang yourseld is pathetic, ththink i pissed the call handler off by telling her nowt,but look at my notes cow, i have to writethis down incase anything happens, so people know how shit the system is,

i really im trying i promise i am

but what is the fuckin point, my girls, deserve better
my husband deserves better
what tramp and whore would give it away like i did,
i hate this memory,
i hate the feeling of my skin crawling
of the touch
the smell,
the fear,
hate it all
i just want it over now, no more painting a smile, ive set a date in my head, its a nonsignafacance date for everyone i know and if its no better by then then i apoligise in advance to the stranraer train driver,itwas/is nothing against you, its just me,