I need a sign I'm looking for a sign it feels like time

I'm so so scared
It feels like time
Everything feels right
I hear you tell me
I hear everyone else
I know it's time but I'm still scared

Give me a sign
Let me know it's right
Let me know it's time
To come and meet my maker

When all else fails disappear with your cloak of invisibility 😉 I'm sure induced dissociation would be heavy frowned upon but better to go for an hour than forever?

Goodbye noise

No words left, no words needed, I am done.

I fight so hard to live
Fight daily to survive
Fight in secret to breathe
Fight in secret to be alive
Smile my way through each day
So my loved ones don't need to pay
Exist an existence of pretence
Time has come to end???
I hear him tell me it's a sign...

Prove he is wrong for once
This isn't the only way it's to be done

Suicide is it really a choice ?

It's not a choice
For many it's an only option
It's not lonely when your dead
It's not scary when your dead
It doesn't matter who believes you when your dead
No one can get in your head when your dead
You are in control of dying
You are in control of living
So why does existing feel so out of control

Just keep breathing

Breath...

Just breath....

It's all you can do is breath,

Don't let them win now,

Why can't you quiet the loud

The struggle is real

What's the deal

I hate the way you are making me feel

I don't want to be your secret no more

I can't be 5, 6,7 or 8  and i can't be your whore, I can't I hate

I'm sorry to say this

I know you will be pissed 

But I cant live 

If this is how it is

I've listened for years to you 

Inside my head 

But now it's so different I just wish I was dead

I hate the way that I have no control

I'm empty I've lost my very soul 

First in a long time

It's been so long since I posted
So long since I've blogged
Forgot how to write it down
Forgot it was good to keep it logged

Life is so different now
I've moved country for start which was good
My babies are not babies anymore
But it some sense life is just as poor

Had the most awful year
With arseholes breaking me down
Putting me back to where I was
They will only be happy when I'm in the ground

They have took me out my comfort zone
They have brought it all up again
They have made me fear of everyone knowing
And have me living there in the past again.

I listen to their words, I read the stuff
And it kills me to the core
They will never be happy til they destroy me
I'm sure they too think I'm just a whore

How "family" can use such a thing against you
And hold you to ransom and In line
Is something I will never understand nor something I'd ever do to mine

To threaten to tell people of your past
Confirms they believe it was me
When I thought that life was over
And now it's all I hear, feel and see

I'd love to say fuck you I don't care
But I don't want people to know

That "you" were meant to care for me
 But I was really just your little hoe
I wish you had died when they say you did
Is it me who is keeping you alive? Will you die when I do. Will it take that for your power to go,
I don't know

I can't relive this all again
And I can't just breath it gone
I can't switch off the constant noise
And I hate what i want to do
I hate that I have no life no voice
And I can't just blame you

Life was going great, the move had changed my life
Then you decided to rake it up And set me into strife
Reawakened everything that I fought so hard to go
Yet again I'm 5 year old his special little hoe