First in a long time

It's been so long since I posted
So long since I've blogged
Forgot how to write it down
Forgot it was good to keep it logged

Life is so different now
I've moved country for start which was good
My babies are not babies anymore
But it some sense life is just as poor

Had the most awful year
With arseholes breaking me down
Putting me back to where I was
They will only be happy when I'm in the ground

They have took me out my comfort zone
They have brought it all up again
They have made me fear of everyone knowing
And have me living there in the past again.

I listen to their words, I read the stuff
And it kills me to the core
They will never be happy til they destroy me
I'm sure they too think I'm just a whore

How "family" can use such a thing against you
And hold you to ransom and In line
Is something I will never understand nor something I'd ever do to mine

To threaten to tell people of your past
Confirms they believe it was me
When I thought that life was over
And now it's all I hear, feel and see

I'd love to say fuck you I don't care
But I don't want people to know

That "you" were meant to care for me
 But I was really just your little hoe
I wish you had died when they say you did
Is it me who is keeping you alive? Will you die when I do. Will it take that for your power to go,
I don't know

I can't relive this all again
And I can't just breath it gone
I can't switch off the constant noise
And I hate what i want to do
I hate that I have no life no voice
And I can't just blame you

Life was going great, the move had changed my life
Then you decided to rake it up And set me into strife
Reawakened everything that I fought so hard to go
Yet again I'm 5 year old his special little hoe