I'm fine

I'm fine

Monday 18 June 2018

When is enough enough??

When does enough become enough
When does the time come when by being alive you are doing more harm than good

When you feel like you are letting everyone down all the time are you? Or is it just me that thinks that.
Does my family think I do more harm than good.
Do they agree with my head and what my heart is telling me
I feel broken hearted with the realisation that I may be holding them back
How can I say I love them if I'm willing to hold them back
I love them more than I love life I will give my last breath to make sure they know I love them but am I just getting in the way of them having a happy life
My anxiety means they aren't street wise, so when people do them wrong and break them that's my fault for never allowing them to be street wise.
When they all go on holiday but feel obliged to keep messaging me etc.. as I can't go with them, what kinda failure can't go on holiday with their kids
My fear has kept them protected and shielded so when someone does wrong they get very upset, I've caused that!
When does the time come when you are doing more harm than good? When does the times come to say I'm out of here for good I've ruined enough. But what if I haven't what if Its just me who thinks this what if they are glad I've protected them glad I watch out for their every move, glad I've fought for them? But I don't know I know what I believe and I can't do harm to my babies I just can't they have a great dad who could meet a women he deserved not landed with one who's hopeless who's an idiot. He could go back to work, he could live the life he deserves, happy wife happy life and all that. I'll never be more than what they made me I'm too ashamed to live anymore


About Me

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Im a women who is slowly learning to survive, who is taking a journey into the past in order to gain a future. I have ptsd, bpd and suicidal ideation. I often wander if i would have any of that if it wasn't for the mess, the past.