What was the point of that......suicide by morning light

Feel so damn defeated
Admitted how bad it was how awful it is so my cpn (I felt for her today I feel so much guilt of late that I am too much)
So her and my consultant decide along with me I need hospital
It's not ideal but it's what's needed just now short term to avert this crisis. However on arriving at hospital Im persuaded to stay at home and recieve daily treatment and home again . Sounds great in an ideal world, it's not however it's exhausting, it's no continuity of care it's different people having to rehash the same thing

The worse part is that because I agreed to hospital and agreed I was In crisis it has triggered a social work referral for my very well looked after kids. My kids who I shelter from all of this. Social work form triggered yet no hospital admission so what the fuck was the point of that seriously what the fuck was the point. Im mad beyond belief and trying to decide if suicide Is actually the only option last thing this house needs us judgemental social workers coming in they are all coming because my mental health I'd so bad, so bad my cpn agrees and my psychiatrist agree I need to be in hospital but crisis have other ideas so what was the point really????
Can I keep my self safe til tomorrow yeah I can but do I want to now- no I don't they can all go fuck and if they have to tell my girls they have no mum anymore I hope they tell them why, because social work where tipped off about us over nothing I should have just plodded on let the psychosis win as it has won now.
I'm so mad I'm beyond mad I can't think straight I've been duped just like they told me I would I've been totally fkn duped for nothing total waist of being honest no one cares about my health not those I seen tonight they just cared about getting me home again. I'm done If I blog again then I'm more resilient than even I thought as right now I'm ready to swing

I don't blame my cpn she done all she could I don't blame me I was honest I just blame crisis and whoever made the cpn do the s.s referral they are the ones who should be made to tell my girls why
Not my husband or anyone else it should be them